Meet Allegra Haines
Allegra is a very proud Welsh law graduate and she decided that once she had completed her degree, she was off to pursue a career in the world of TV and media. Her primary career for years was as a talent booker in the field of TV and brands where she sourced talent for high-profile shows ranging from Celebrity Come Dine With Me, Strictly Come Dancing and Stand Up for Sport Relief. She also worked on shows as far-flung as Australia (where her accolade includes The Batchelor and Australia’s Next Top Model).
Allegra Haines is based in London where she runs her company The Booking Project, she’s a businesswoman and entrepreneur. Openly and proudly trans, Allegra uses her positive life experiences and career to encourage others to choose their path and go for it! Her story is one of great courage, determination, and focus.
**TRIGGER WARNING** Allegra mentions suicide
Extracts taken from the transcript of the podcast recording
AH [00:02:03]Thanks for having me. I have had a lot of thinking time about it, and I’ve actually chosen a song that is very poignant in my mind at a time when I made or was taking measures to make a huge decision, which is quite literally why I’m sitting here talking to you. The song is Lady Gaga, Bad romance. Do you know what it is? I’m not a huge pop lover, but when I go for a run, or I’m on that cross trainer, I shove a bit of Lady Gaga on and I’ve become the best runner, I become the best cross trainer! I think music generally if you sit in silence, gives you the shivers and can take you instantly back to a time whether it be happy or sad. That song takes me back to a time when I was sad, I was doing all I could to become happy. I was doing all I could to become myself. It was my last it was quite literally my last attempt to try and become happy and the person who I ultimately am today. [142.0s]
AH [00:09:56]I think people in the generation below us take it for granted that it’s so commonplace. You know, my nieces, nephews, they’re all between the ages of like three and 23. They’ve all got gay friends. They’ve all got gay people that they know in their school and college. You know, it’s just different now. You know, it’s not perfect. There are still issues, I think, surrounding those topics of being gay, or being trans. But it’s very different now. When I grew up, I grew up in a loving household, a loving community. Like it was it was picture-perfect, quite literally. It’s a beautiful place to grow up. But I didn’t know what any of that was. I had no idea. I was a feminine, very, very effeminate boy. And when I was younger, with my brothers I’ve got three brothers, people would always think we were girls. [78.3s]
AH [00:11:27] And that’s the therapist’s question, isn’t it? What would you tell your younger self? I mean, I would sit my younger self down, slap him and say, please, please, please have courage and do not worry because everything will be okay. And actually, I had a therapist, actually, and I was talking to my therapist about this quote that I saw. I don’t remember it verbatim, but it’s something along the lines of 75% of things that people worry about don’t happen. And of the 25% of things that can happen, 97% of those things people can deal with. And it’s just like, so what do we spend worrying about? [122.5s]
AH [00:20:19] Again, I praise my parents for doing such a good job with that. It’s just my experience has changed a bit. And actually, I went a little bit far in changing my exterior, and I’m stepping back from what I’ve done to my exterior because I’m actually finally happy with who I am. I’ve reminded myself that it’s me. I think a lot of times when you come out in whatever way you want to come out, whatever it might be, you have to respect who you’re telling. You have to respect that time. You have to respect and give them time to digest what you’ve just told them and not kind of throw your toys at the pram and throttle them if they don’t get it straight away. [77.2s]
AH [00:33:00]when I moved to Australia, I started to become who I wanted to be like. More people started to know me. My name was Joey, my previous name was Joey, and then it was kind of Joey Bambi. I kind of it was on the edge a little bit because probably I didn’t go right. Everyone’s got to call me that because I wanted to do everything very naturally. And, you know, I started to be able to experiment with the way I looked and nobody knew me there. My dad, when he dropped me at university, said, the beauty of university is you can totally reinvent yourself. And that is so, so powerful. And actually, to this day, I 100% stand by that quote. I’ve been very open about this on my social media and amongst friends, obviously. In February I had what they call life-sustaining surgery, the surgery that brought me and my body and brain into alignment. And boy, did it do that. And since February, my soul is singing the happiest tune it’s ever sung. It is the most magical, unbelievable feeling. I am, however In a positive way, a different person from who I was a year ago. [91.8s]
AH [00:39:43] But I told my mum and by telling one person and it for me it was my mum. For somebody else, it could be somebody anonymous. It’s just shining a light and realising that what you’re harboring and what you’re carrying, there are other people in your situation. You’re not, you’re not alone. I know that’s an overused saying, but you’re not alone. It’s so important for people to remember that. [59.2s]
AH [00:41:59]Absolutely. Like, you know, like even now, I see a therapist once a week, and I love him. He’s amazing. I just feel like for me, it’s speaking with therapists because I feel like I’ve completely drained my friends and family of their advice. And I think, you know, therefore, let’s move on somebody who doesn’t know me. But just having that one person and being able just to kind of, you know, I’ve been there, I’ve done it. I’ve laid in bed at night kind of with, what ifs and why and why me. And I always used to think, Oh, God why is this happening to me? Why am I being punished? Like, why? Why am I having these feelings of wanting to be a girl? I could never be a girl. People wouldn’t believe me. All of these things, when I spoke about it, it didn’t cure the whole thing. But it certainly took me out of the slightly negative thought spiral that I was going down. What you want to do is try and find that one person before that spiral. It comes too late. Really. You know, it’s. It’s just talking for sure. [71.3s]
AH [00:54:25]I’m now Allegra. Allegra is a very different person from Bambi. Bambi was fighting to become Allegra. Bambi was experimenting with facial tweaks and transitioning, therefore wearing clothes that I probably shouldn’t have worn and maybe a little bit too revealing. And maybe I was drinking too much. And all of those things that generally people do as teenagers I was doing in my late twenties and through my thirties, because, you know, when you transition and you start your hormone treatment, you do become, in essence, a teenager. Your hormones are changing. So I was doing all of these things for self-discovery now. My surgery in February happened remarkably in my head and the way I feel when I walk into a coffee shop or when I walk into a boardroom, or when I’m just sitting here talking to you guys. I am a different person from who Bambi was in such a good way. I’m certainly not turning my back on Bambi because Bambi is now my middle name. It’s like a nickname. Allegra is a strong woman. The translation of Allegra is an Italian name. It translates to joy and happiness. And that’s exactly how I feel. So, Allegra Bambi Haines. [127.8s]
AH [00:59:20] There are a few books on the shelf, there’s my Joey book, there’s my Bambi book, and now there’s my Allegra book. The Allegra book is still open and I’m still working on that. And if in five years’ time, I want to change it again, I will. I won’t. I can’t do it again. It takes ages. So much admin is involved in this. Honestly, it’s not a flippant decision. I’ve been to Barclays Bank 15 times now. I won’t do it again because I’m very happy. If I didn’t change and if I didn’t move forward, I would be just treading water, I wouldn’t be happy. And I am someone who fights for my happiness. I fight. I’m a warrior. I will do anything I can to make me happy. Whether that’s going for a walk or whether it’s going to Starbucks for a lot, or whether it’s doing something to do with work, I will fight to make myself happy because life’s too short. [70.8s]
AH [01:06:54]And that actually is what that is being called a warrior or being called strong or courageous is so much more important to me than having a physical compliment because I’ve put the bloody work in. I’m knackered. [16.9s]
AH [01:09:11]Thank you so much. So much for having me. I honestly loved that. [3.0s]
